Category: Life

I’m not giving up, I’m giving in

I’m not giving up, I’m giving in

This is a story about loss, my loss and if read correctly could be your gain. Consider this the last thing I give back to an unknowing society because I’m giving in, not giving up. I’m 49 years old, as a kid I grew up during the 70s. I always said Yes Sir and No maam, tried to be respectable and I was always cognizant of the world around me in close proximity. I actually cared about people I never knew or would possibly never know and this has been my steady decline. Again, this is a story about loss.

My life has always had its ups and downs and while I thought for a moment, back when, that it was other people’s fault.. the actual reality to it all was that everything was exactly my fault. I had always considered and toyed with the fact that others may be at fault for each predicament that fell through underneath my feet, and while for the majority of it, it was my fault for allowing such nefarious people to put such extreme sanctions and hardship on my life. I was so preoccupied with trying to make things right and fair that I was slowly nicking away at my own sanity and liberty and I didn’t realize it. Took me 49 years for it to smack me in the face but hey, it’s a start, right?

I have to realize that I’m not the knight in shining armor, I’m not Superman, I’m not there to save the day. I’m not here to alleviate other people’s problems. I need to stop telling random people “If you need something, Call me”. That has gotten me in more trouble than its worth. Because ultimately, 95-98% of the people in the world are out to succeed above you. These people will step on your head and heart to get where they are going and after they are done with crushing you, they look down upon your empty shell with pity, shame and no remorse.. almost with piety and pretentiousness that you find yourself wondering what happened.

These people are to be avoided, at all costs, as if they have the plague. The problem with this is, some of these people are hard to detect. Which brings me to my next statement. Beware of narcissists. They are everywhere and they are very good at hiding their reality. The problem with “narcs” is how can you be nice to everyone without getting taken advantage of. You’d think that something like this would be simple but it’s not. Usually the simplest action is the right one and in this case, the simple answer is “You can’t be nice to everyone“. People can and will take advantage of you if you allow them to. How does one find the balance to all this? If the world is full of people that will crush your life as opposed to the ones that will actually bring a sense of balance to your life. Again, You can’t be nice to everyone nor should you. Again, the simple thing to do is to evaluate every one of your relationships and figure out who was there for you and who wasn’t. If you are a narcissist and you are reading this, you are the lowest form of life. To take advantage of people’s good will and crush their spirit is probably some of the most despicable things you can do. To lie, cheat and steal is invariably some of the worst things you can do to someone that has rolled themselves out like a doormat and you took advantage of that to clean your boots.

To also take sides with a narcissist makes you an even ally of it. This means that you allow that person to take advantage of someone to ruin their life. This means that you agree with Narcissism. If you are reading this and I have personally shunned you in my life, it’s probably for this reason alone. Call me an asshole, call me mean… all this does is further how I feel about you personally because I know I’ve been nothing but nice to you and you still are the piece of shit you are and always have been. It’s not my loss, it’s your loss and if that makes me an asshole, then so be it, I’m an asshole. But understand this, I wouldn’t be an asshole if you hadn’t taken sides with a piece of shit and you are just that much of a piece of shit and so low to the ground that you can’t apologize. I don’t need you and have fun being manipulated by the narcissist and definitely don’t come crying to me when they take advantage of you, because they will.